Aging and Driving: How can you tell when an elderly loved one’s driving is affected? What do you do?

Driving is an incredibly difficult topic to discuss with an elderly loved one. One important thing to remember is that you are not just talking about an elderly person’s driving. You are talking about their sense of independence and their sense of freedom. That is one of the reasons many elderly individuals do not want to give up their licenses. They understand, on some level, what it means for their independence. As most caregivers and family members understand, a lot of elderly individuals try to avoid feeling like a burden. They have spent the majority of their lives driving, and it is a very difficult thing for them to give up. It may bring up a lot of feelings of helplessness, anger, and sadness. This is an incredibly difficult subject to broach with an elderly loved one, but if you feel that their driving is unsafe, then it is your responsibility to sit down and talk with them. However, before you initiate that conversation, ensure that your elderly loved one’s driving is impaired.

You can look for some clues that their driving is changing:

• First, look at your elderly loved one’s car. Are there unusual or unaccounted for dents and scrapes?

• How does your loved one react when you ask about them? Can they explain what happened?

• Have they bumped into anything in your yard or neighborhood? Have they accidentally hit a mailbox? Usually, they will get into smaller accidents before they get into larger accidents.

• When you drive with your elderly loved one, are you at ease? How do you react? Do you feel the need to point out upcoming signs and stoplights?

• Watch their feet and reaction time when they drive. Do their feet naturally move between the brake and gas pedal? Do they seem to be reacting to things more slowly?

• How are other drivers reacting to them? Are they honking at them? Are other drivers comfortable around them?

• Lastly, have they recently received an increased amount of traffic violations?

If you feel that it is time to sit down and discuss driving with your elderly loved one, your family is your biggest resource. Involve your whole family, and talk to them before you approach your elderly loved one. There is no definite way to do it, as each situation is unique, but one of the most important things to do is approach it from a safety standpoint. Avoid the topic of age as much as possible, as your elderly loved one may become defensive. If you are a genuinely concerned for their safety, then they will understand that and be more open to discussing other options for mobility. Lastly, be compassionate. This is a big thing for them, and understanding that will make it easier for them to accept.