NPR: A Caretaker's Conflict: Love, Resentment Collide

This week, NPR hosted a great discussion regarding the negative emotions of caregiving. On Talk of the Nation, John Donvan interviewed Sandra Tsing Loh about her recent article in The Atlantic. She is the primary caregiver for her father, and frankly discussed her feelings of resentment towards him, and together they held an honest discussion about the negative aspects of caregiving.

They address the complex relationship between feeling guilt, anger and resentment, and the lack of support for caregivers. As we’ve previously discussed in past blog posts, one of the biggest issues is a feeling of obligation. Many caregivers understand and appreciate that their parents took care of them throughout childhood, so it’s difficult for them to cope with the feelings of resentment and frustration they experience. This feeling is compounded by an unclear future as very few caregivers are able to gage how long they’ll be the primary caregiver for their parent.

The most touching part of the program was listening to a caller talk about being the primary caregiver for her mother. Mid-call, the woman began sobbing. Her mother had already passed on, and she was sobbing because of the guilt she experienced over feeling anger at her mother. It really reinforces the idea that these conflicting feelings of love and resentment are so intense that they last long after caregiving duties end. Even after the death of her mother, the woman was still struggling with these emotions.

This conversation did an excellent job of fostering honesty, and a caller even thanked the two hosts for giving caregivers permission to feel anger, resentment and guilt. Openly discussing these feelings without judgment is one of the best things a caregiver can do. These feelings are real, and it’s even more difficult for caregivers to accept they’re experiencing them when society is telling them it’s wrong to see aspects of caring for your parents as a burden.

You can listen to the radio segment or read the transcript here. We hope to see more honest, candid and judgment free discussions surrounding caregiving!