What do you do to give back to the community?
Marilyn Sutcliffe: I facilitate a support group for caregivers in my community, and that came out of a caregiving class that I started teaching a few years ago. I’ve done it in conjunction with my church but it is open to any member of the community. At the end of the course people felt they needed more time together, so we started a support group. As the facilitator, I try not to give too many answers to problems, but facilitate discussion amongst the caregivers. It’s amazing how many good suggestions they come up with for each other.
What are the best things the caregivers take away from the group?
MS: A sense of knowing that other people have the same feelings. Caregivers often get overwhelmed and overburdened. They have moments of real frustration and feelings of resentment. Sometimes they resent the fact that they have no free time for themselves, and sometimes it’s resentment towards siblings who may not be helping, or who criticize the sibling who is providing the care. It’s good for them to see that they’re not bad people because there are other people, who they view as good people, going through the same issues, often guilt. The other thing we do is focus on the positives of things they may be doing as caregivers, and someone might say ‘That’s a really great idea – I want to try that.’ I want them to come away with a sense of ‘I am not the only one who has these negative feelings - I’m doing a lot of good things, and I’m doing them the right way.’ The group gives them confidence in what they are doing and validates the fact that they are human and will inevitably make mistakes. One thing often echoed is that it’s not always fun taking care of mom and dad. The group really helps with the frustrations of caregiving.
Do the members of the support groups know each other before they join?
MS: No.
Do you feel like they develop friendships through the group?
MS: Yes, and that’s exactly why at the end of the class, the members wanted to start the support group. They had really bonded and made friendships. Sometimes people will get together outside of the support group. We have a very caring bunch. Sometimes someone will send out an email about a problem and they need some advice before the next meeting, and the number and quality of responses is amazing. It’s a very interactive group.
What is the most rewarding part of your work?
MS: The fact that people leave the room with a sense that they now have new ideas that will help them with their caregiving and the fact that I create an atmosphere of “what happens here stays here” so there is a real comfort level in that room. The members of the group really help each other, and that is very rewarding for me, because I feel like I am the one who brings them together. It is truly a great feeling. Also, it feels great when a support group peters out because the members feel like they no longer need support.
Without mentioning any names, do you have any favorite success stories that you would like to share?
MS: I had one woman in the group who was, as a caregiver, doing everything, and becoming very resentful but not really realizing it. She felt like her siblings did nothing to help her. Through discussions in the support group, she realized she was not doing an effective job asking for help. She did end up asking her siblings for help, and she was happy to find that they were more than willing to share the caregiving duties, and it made her life a lot easier.
What is your best advice for caregivers?
MC: Find a support group. This can be a problem because caregivers are so busy and cannot find the time to go to a support group. Some caregivers become so involved in their own work that they feel like nobody can do a better job, they do not reach out to others and they become overwhelmed. So yes, find a support group. Most senior centers and hospitals know where there are support groups, and most associations for specific diseases, like Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis, and cancer have support groups and it is important to try to connect with those.
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